Why Me?
by Bitter-Sweet-ish
Summary: Ritsuka questions himself, 'why me' Oneshot/drabble.


**A/N: Heh, thought I was dead, didn't you? Well, I can't blame you, seeing I haven't written/posted anything on FF for forever.**

**If you do or don't know, this is a Loveless Fanfiction. Don't know what Loveless is? First, I question how you landed here…Second, go wiki Loveless, because you know you want to. **

**I haven't read the whole manga, and it's been a while, so forgive me for any mistakes.**

**Quick P.S, I'm not much of a yaoi fan, but Loveless got me hooked. I'm not a homophobe, but I thought the plot, was well, (I know this sounds corny) kinda beautiful. **

**Enjoy?**

**-Bitter-Sweet-ish**

It's pretty amazing how anything can change not only life, but everything that is connected to it too. I mean, if you think about it, everything is connected, everything affects one another, so when something happens, not only the victim is penalized. So that's why I'm the 'second' Ritsuka. So that's why my mother hurts me more with her words that when she physically abuses me. And that's why I have met Soubi.

All because of my brother's death, and the not-so-secret life, that is now exposed to me, which sometimes scares me, confuses me, angers me, and is just probably too complex for my own good. It's funny how one little thing, made my life and others around me, so _different._ And I don't know if I should tackle it head on, or cower in the corner.

And, sometimes I wonder, why can't I have a break? I mean, my brother dies, I feel like an alien, taking over another person's body, I find out that I'm a Sacrifice in a complicated Fighter-Sacrifice deal which I had no say in (because it's apparently my destiny. Yeah, okay.), and then I meet Soubi. It's like, I got suddenly hit by an imaginary train that is oblivious that it hit something, so it keeps on going on, minding it's own business, with me squished on the front.

Soubi…

He confuses me, and sometimes it's kind of annoying. It's like he has this secret, and I feel like it's mocking me, without him even realizing it. His smile, it sometimes doesn't reach his eyes. He acts like he's another random naïve art student, but he's really an extremely intelligent, complex, mysterious man, who already made me a part of his life, probably before I even realized it. Sometimes, it seems like he's mad at me, and is masking it with false happiness. I mean, what kind of person says 'I love you' almost ten times a day, just because someone else tells them to? And that particular, 'someone else' is my brother, who got murdered inhumanly.

Does he mean it when he says 'I love you'? When he kisses me and hugs me? It's frustrating, because maybe I'm just a play toy for him. But the way he looks at me. How can I describe it? It's not like he was forced to, but more like he chose to. It's like he's carefully examining me with his eyes when he looks at me, almost as if I was going to disappear into thin air the next second. When he touches me, I want to yell at him that I'm not made out of glass, as his caresses are far too soft and gentle to be anything meaningful, but at the same time sends shivers up my spine every time.

When he kisses me, I wonder if it's wrong. Like the way it feels my insides are exploding, and the way I feel like I really am important, not a replacement, which I think I am, as I already replaced my brother as a Sacrifice, and the original Ritsuka. Also, we're both guys! I never really was a homophobe before I met Soubi, and obviously Soubi is gay. Does that make me gay? Do I love him? All I know is that all this attention I receive from him makes me happy.

So, that's why I hang out with him, I guess. He makes me feel special. Kio, Soubi's friend, he's my friend too, but he doesn't make me laugh, react, or understand things the same way as Soubi. Do I love him?

Hopefully my life will turn a complete one-eighty, and it'll be normal again. But now that I think about it, I'm not so sure, and there's an extremely slim chance it will happen anyways.

Soubi, on the other hand, even if I don't love him like I think he wants me to, I never, ever, want to forget about him.

As a Sacrifice, I adore him, my Fighter. As a friend, I care for him, my best friend. As a person, I think I love him, my Soubi.

**A/N: Review? **

**-Bitter-Sweet-ish**


End file.
